Kill Beryl
by Missie2
Summary: Zoicite looked dead. Was she really? An "homage" (his words) to Tarantino. Language rating.
1. Default Chapter

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Kill Beryl

Chapter 1

Author's notes: I'm really sorry. I tried to resist, really. In the end, the temptation just got to me. I realize that this fic isn't going to be to everyone's taste, so here are my warnings. First off, if you don't like the idea of one of the generals going on a revenge rampage involving the Sailor Senshi, get out of here now. Second, although I'm a staunch yaoi supporter for the purposes of this fic Zoicite is a woman. If I was writing a different fic Zoicite would be male, but part of the reason Kill Bill is so incredibly cool is because the main character is a woman. No matter what talented actor could be chosen, no matter how good Tarantino is as a director, a male character in place of The Bride could NEVER be as cool. This is my first Sailormoon fic, and this is mainly because the generals are infinitely more interesting than any of the Senshi. And in Zoicite's case, I always got a very grindhousey, don't-gimme-no-sass-o'-I-kick-yo'-ass feel from him/her. So here is Kill Beryl. Don't kill me.

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When will people learn that looking dead, sounding dead and feeling dead does not automatically mean dead. As soon as there's no breath and no pulse, the immediate conclusion that everyone jumps to is "He/She/It's dead. Grief!" So was the case with Zoicite.

After a pretty serious wound inflicted by Queen Beryl, Zoicite seemed dead. She wasn't breathing and there was no pulse, and Beryl didn't really want to keep a woman's corpse around the palace to gloat over, unlike Jadiete. So Beryl recruited two youmas to drag the body to the human realm and leave it in a field somewhere. They did so.

Three hours later, Inspector in Chief Vincent Vega was called out to investigate a homicide involving a Jane Doe in a cornfield. Wading through the mucky field in his fancy on-duty suede boots, he stopped about half a foot away to get a good look at Janey. Then he called to Maurice, his young assistant for a lowdown of the situation.

"Hoo-wee! Ain't this a shame Maurice?"

"Terrible shame, sir."

" Look at her. Bee-yoo-tiful. Red-blonde curls, nice firm breasts, long legs… bet she was a demon in the sack."

" I'll bet, sir."

" Why do the pretty ones go down like this. What's the report?"

" No-one matching her description's on the missing person's list. Judging by the way she's dressed, we think she may have been coming home from a fancy dress party."

" The weapon?"

" Seems to be some sort of shotgun. But we haven't found any bullets or pellets or nothing'."

" Just another unexplained homicide. Shame, real shame. Pack her up and get her to the morgue."

Inspector Vega started loading the girl's body into a plastic bag, and in keeping with his usual routine when working with attractive young ladies he slipped his hand inside her top. What he was expecting was to cop a quick feel of Lefty and go home to a cold shower and some cheap porn. 

What he wasn't expecting was for the corpse to give him a smack across the mouth. And yet that's what happened.

" Maurice! Get back here! This little princess's still kicking!"

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As it happens, Zoicite wasn't dead, just in a very deep coma, akin to an allergic reaction to a bee sting. Unfortunately, she didn't seem to be in any great hurry to wake up. She was transferred to the Coma Ward in Tokyo General hospital soon after the altercation with the pervert police chief. As if being almost killed by her boss and then felt up by a dirty old man wasn't bad enough, this particular wing of the hospital was run by a young man named Buck. Buck had a sidelining career as a pimp and often recruited his unconscious charges in these activities. When he saw the new Jane Doe, he was very impressed.

" Hey, there, little lady. I dunno if you can hear me or not, but if you can, I'm REAL pleased to meet ya. Now I got me a little business in this here wing, and I'd be honoured if you could help me out with it. See, a good-looking girl like yourself, bound to bring in the moolah. If you're interested, don't give me any signs. Yes? Great! Pleased to have you on board. Shoot, nearly forgot to introduce myself. My name's Buck, and I like to fuck!"

Zoicite was stuck in the hospital for four years, and made a lot of money for Buck. During the four years she spent there, lots of things happened outside. Beryl remained dormant inside the Dark Kingdom, the Sailor Senshi fought enemy after enemy and won, the American President had an affair with a seventeen year old call girl with a penchant for sado-masochism, same old, same old. Four years to the day after Jane Doe was discovered in the cornfield, Buck brought his cousin Eddie to the hospital to meet her acquaintance.

" Hot little number, ain't she, Eddie?"

" Fuck yeah. She's everything you said."

" Don't make a mess and I'll be back in about ten minutes. Got the cash?"

Eddie handed Buck a handful of bills.

" Sweet, man. Have fun!"

Unbeknownst to the two men, Zoicite was slowly waking up and had heard every word of this exchange. She didn't realise that they were talking about her until she felt Eddie's cold, clammy hand stroking her cheek.

" Well, ain't you a picture…"

Moments later, she smelled Eddie's stinking breath coming closer to her face. So she took evasive action. She headbutted big, fat, 226-pound Eddie so hard he flew right off the bed and was skewered by the lever on a nearby bed.

Zoicite stumbled out of bed, only to find that her legs weren't working and she ended up in a heap of ill-used limbs on the cold tile floor. She managed to gather herself up and supported herself against the side of the bed. Taking a glance around the bare room, her eyes skimmed over the comatose women, the medical equipment, the dead body and rested on the calendar.

" 20th April 2004," she said aloud. Her voice sounded strange to her ears and her throat hurt from lack of use. But as soon as she heard it out loud, she realized several things all at once. She realized that she was supposed to be dead but wasn't, that she was in the human realm, that it had been four years since she had last been conscious, and through the absence of the deep connection that she and her lover had shared, that Kunzite was dead. This last revelation hit her like a ton of bricks and she started to cry. Not quiet little whimpers, but deep, throat-wrenching sobs that bent her double and made her crawl like a beast. But she managed to pull herself together when she heard footsteps echoing down the hall.

" Hey, Eddie? Hurry it up, man. Visiting hours are over. Eddie?"

When Buck got no answer, he stepped into the room. Eddie's surprised-looking corpse stared at him from his spot on the lever. Buck was just about to scream when he felt a sharp object pierce his knee. He collapsed onto his back and felt a weight clamber onto his chest. Jane Doe was kneeling on his chest with a scalpel in her hand, staring at him with murderous rage in her lovely green eyes.

" Whoa, man…"

" Where's Beryl?"

" Beryl? I don't know any Beryl! Oh, shit, my knee, man…"

The rational part of Zoicite's brain, a quiet little wimp that rarely made itself known, told her that this guy was human and of course he didn't know who Beryl was. Then it presented her with a memory from her subconscious that reignited her rage. The cold glint that came into her eyes scared Buck shitless. He punctuated her calmly stated sentence with little whines.

" So, I hear your name's Buck. And I do believe you like to fuck."

Buck moaned something like Oh God as Zoicite sank her scalpel into his neck, screaming "Fucking Perv BASTARD!!" as she struggled to get it in deeper. Even after he was obviously dead, she stabbed him a few more times for good measure. Exhausted, she pulled herself off of him and started going through his pockets. She pulled out money, a packet of chewing gum, and her mind cheered silently when her hand closed around a set of keys. Pulling them out, she took a look at the foam rubber keyring, obviously custom made. PUSSY WAGON was written in cheerfully gaudy letters.

" Pussy Wagon. Right." she scoffed scornfully. She didn't mourn for the way she had been treated over the last four years by him. There was no point. Her emotions were all channelled into her thoughts about the bigger fish she had to fry.

Moments later, a young lady with blonde curls and a fiercely determined look on her face came speeding out of the intensive care unit in a wheelchair. No-one saw her leave, and for months a national search would be carried out to look for her, believing that someone had broken in, killed the two men and kidnapped Jane Doe.

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Sailormoon and all its characters belong to whats-her-name. Kill Bill, Vincent Vega and Maurice all belong to Quentin Tarantino. If this seems like a rip-off, Tarantino himself calls it an Homage.


	2. Chapter 2

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Kill Beryl

Chapter 2

Zoisite's wheelchair made a loud screeching noise as she hurtled into the car park. Since she'd woken up, her senses seemed more acutely tuned than ever. Boiling like sulphur at the pit of her stomach was a ball of intense rage that threatened to engulf her, but she managed to keep her mind on finding Buck's car. There would be plenty of time for her anger later. Speeding along the rows of cars, she thought it was a hallucination or a trick of the light. She stopped suddenly, and wheeled slowly backwards to get a good look. And for a good five minutes, she was speechless.

Buck's car was a huge yellow jeep with shiny hubcaps and seven sets of sunglasses in the front window. But the real kicker was the logo PUSSY WAGON written in foot high, hot pink bubble writing on the sides and the bonnet. It was Buck's car, all right.

" Pussy Wagon," breathed Zoicite, " What a wanker."

Pressing the alarm button on the set of keys, she wheeled around to the door and, using the door as a crutch, she attempted to stand. Her legs lasted two minutes before she collapsed, and she had to pull herself into the car using just her hands. She flopped out over the back seat, exhausted. After a few minutes of just listening to herself breathe, she let the previous feeling of anger wash over her.

Zoicite didn't know whether she wanted to cry, or scream, or just sleep. Her mind sought out who she could blame for her current condition: the Sailor Senshi, Prince Endymion, the ambulance crew who brought her here, the doctors who couldn't wake her up, the list went on… but at the top of this list, a constant presence was Beryl. Zoicite managed to keep perfectly silent. Then, in a stern voice, she started instructing her body to wake itself up.

" Wiggle your toes. All of them. Wiggle your toes. All of them…"

Six hours later, Pussy Wagon hit the road, heading for Okinawa.

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Vincent Vega cast his eyes over the comatose women's ward, now with one missing. Buck was hacked up pretty bad, and Eddie was hard to remove from his spot on the lever. The morgue department was taking its sweet time with the body bags.

" Maurice! Getcher ass over here!"

" Yes, sir?"

Maurice skittered across the floor to the chief, who was staring at the empty bed and rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

" Four years, Maurice. Four fuckin' years. Four years of lying here in this cesspool of human misery. And now she's gone. What's your report saying so far?"

" Seems like a kidnap job, sir. Old boyfriend, maybe. Pimp's a possibility too. Guy comes in here, hacks up the nurse, then does a job on the visitor when he stumbles in. But we haven't ruled out the possibility that it was the missing woman."

" Say what?"

" Well, she might have woken up, disoriented, scared, tried to defend herself from the nurse if she thought he was going to hurt her."

" Maurice, that is Grade-A bullshit! How old was that girl?"

" Well, sir, we don't…"

" ROUGHLY how old?"

" Between eighteen and twenty-four, sir."

" Weight, height?"

" Five-four, just under hundred pounds."

" Now Maurice, how in the good Lord's name could that little cherry blossom have done this much damage to two young men in the prime of their lives? And take a good look at the fat fucker over there! Well, she'd have to be some sort of super woman, wouldn't she now?"

" *sigh* Yes, sir."

" Then cross off all that happy horseshit."

In a coffee bar downtown, Maurice ordered a double cappuccino with skimmed milk and Inspector Vega managed somehow to get a beer. They continued discussing the case beside a window facing the street.

" If I may be so bold, sir, could I ask why you're taking so much interest in this case?"

" Don't you remember the first time you were touched by a very special woman, Maurice?"

" Well, no, sir. I'm gay."

" Gay? Since when?"

" I've always been gay, sir."

" How the hell did you get into the police force?"

" Mystery to me too, sir."

" Shit. Well, I dunno if this applies to faggots, but the first time you're touched by a real special gal, you remember it forever. I remember my first blowjob, first hand job, first fu…"

" I get it, sir."

" Four years ago, I tried to cop a feel off of a Janey in a cornfield. She fought through mental and physical paralysis just to give me a slap on the pus. Right here *he pointed to the exact spot on his cheek.* Now that's a woman. And I think we owe it to her to put our full energy into this case."

" Whatever you say, sir."

The two men supped their drinks, while a jeep with the words PUSSY WAGON emblazoned on the sides sped past the window.

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"… and put it all in this bag. Is that clear, Shuichi?"

Shuichi nodded slowly, and turned around to go to the bank vault. It was a fairly normal day in the Okinawa regional bank, except that only three tellers were working, all male, and the person who was holding up the bank. Zoicite was wearing clothes she had borrowed from the boot of Pussy Wagon, but she had no money, so she had decided it would be a good idea to rob a bank. Did she have a gun? No. A knife? Nope. A Baseball bat? No. All she had was the clothes on her back and Pussy Wagon.

So now, a young woman was robbing a bank with no weapons. Well, that wasn't true. Just before she'd gone into the bank, she'd pulled her t-shirt up around her arms to expose her breasts. Then, she'd walked up to Shuichi and asked him for the money. He had obliged enthusiastically, while the other two tellers just stared goggle-eyed at Zoicite's assets. After getting the money, she left the bank, pulled down her top and sped off in Pussy Wagon. When the police investigated the case, the only description the tellers could give of the robber was that she had a fantastic pair of tits.

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A few hours later, Pussy Wagon was parked outside a hotel. Zoicite had just finished buying some new clothes and eaten the first meal she'd had since waking up. The first thing she did when she got to her room was to wash away the accumulated filth that the hospital had left her with. Now, clean, healthy and mad as hell, she was ready to concentrate on her future plans. She took out the hotel stationary, cheerily printed with ENJOY SUNNY OKINAWA! as the letterhead. She scrawled her plans quickly with a red marker.

1: Kill Sailor Mercury.

2: Kill Sailor Venus.

3: Kill Sailor Jupiter.

4: Kill Sailor Mars.

5: Kill Sailor Moon.

6: Kill Tuxedo Mask.

Then, on the other half of the page,

KILL BERYL!

She tossed the page onto the night table, and listlessly grabbed the remote. She closed her eyes as the television chattered away.

"… pounds with red-blonde hair, petite build, thought to be still comatose…"

Solicited opened one eye.

" Profilers say the kidnapper may be a man of Caucasian origin, no older than thirty, with lean build. If you have any information regarding this incident, call this number now. The Jane Doe kidnapper is considered very dangerous and highly unstable…"

She couldn't believe her ears. Not only had she been cleared of killing those two guys in the hospital, but some poor bastard was going to take the fall for her! Was there some way she could turn this into even more of an advantage? Looking at the screen, she memorized the number and picked up the phone. Ideas struck her with every push of the button. She remembered unexpectedly Nephrite's little girlfriend. And when the phone was answered, she pinched her nose and squeaked down the receiver.

" Hello? My name's Molly, Oh, my Gawd, I just saw Jane Doe!"

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Couldn't resist using Naru's dub voice. Sorry. 


End file.
